she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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