It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I party with great urgency now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
