I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
