i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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