At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
