I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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