saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
do nipples grow back?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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