Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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