i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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