i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
