We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
