I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
