yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
