Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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