Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
50% drunk capacity currently
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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