Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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