Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
