I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
