Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
