Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
