Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
