he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
