Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
