Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you win again, gameday.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
