hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's shark week go big or go home
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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