so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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