You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
