I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
