Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
