i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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