Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
