New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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