HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
