wakey wakey hands off snakey
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
