I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
FUCK WHALES
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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