I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
