My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
