you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
