Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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