Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
