You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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