I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
