dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
