is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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