Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
