Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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