Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
