I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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