i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
