i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
