Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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