I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
