Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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