And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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