I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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