youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
