You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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