Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
