You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
