Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
