His pubic hair was longer than his dick
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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