i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
